She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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