There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
