hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
