I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
