I'm drive I can fine osifer
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
