Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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