Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
