his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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