he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
