you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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