I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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