I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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