flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
