she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
