Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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