It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
