He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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