I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
