oh god the rape fog is back!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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