I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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