I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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