theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize