Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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