he wants to bone in the snuggie
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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