nut hugger
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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