He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
