I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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