Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
