I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
