On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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