Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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