Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
