Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
