Tell her she can't have a vagina
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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