The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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