shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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