come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
