Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
