My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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