I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
