Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize