Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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