My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
