my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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