it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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