Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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