he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
