I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
