we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
