I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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