it hurts more in the daytime
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
