Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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