My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
