Nicole vs. Life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
