i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
