How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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