If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
