OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
