Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
