she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
