BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
