Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she pinky promised me she was 18
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
