my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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