the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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