this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
