Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize