i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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