well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
