You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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