From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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