There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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