i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
